Mmm-mornin’. Mmm-moany mornin’.
It was a long night, kittens. But that’s a’right: I have another long — and mmm-magnificent — day ahead.
But I did greet this day for you already, bright ‘n’ early. I did that!
While most kittens were whirring quietly in their cots, I spent the first hours of the morn’ pontificating with a fellow gypsy and a stunning heart: on the nature of love, and art, and the world itself. All the way from the other coast he told me that the world was still magnificent (despite my recently lost love); and as he could see it from o’er there, it was waiting to be treaded on.
“And did you know,” he told me, “there aren’t many interferences along each path — but opportunities to learn?”
I was already drifting off, leaving my gravity behind: We, fly gypsies, often don’t need our feet. He brushed my forehead with his words of gentle and intimate knowledge of me; and then, he left to do his own treading. Bye-bye, baby. Bye-bye, boo. Mmm.
So, today: I’m packing up. Suddenly feeling like I’ve shed a few kilos off my back, I am in the mood to recoup and get ready to move again. There is a tribe of gypsies hollering out my name in their bard songs, on the coast of the other, tamer ocean. (Oh, how I adore them, for keeping my heart!) A few solitary ones are waiting for me under the scorching suns of Mexico, and India; and somewhere in a quirky town in Texas. And then: There is my father — the quietest of all, who has patiently waited in the other hemisphere, for the return of his prodigal child. (I’m on my way, P. I’m well on my way.) And when we meet, we shall sit around the pots of my slowly simmering, healing stews and reshuffle our stories as if they were cards of Solitaire.
Mmm, ‘tis the season — for reunions.
But while I’m gathering my belongings and courage today, I shall be treading quietly. Very, very quietly. The thoughts of today’s meditation are vague and ever-so-changing. They remind me of an abstract watercolor painting: At any moment, another stroke can change their entire gist. Another color can shift the mood. So, I’ll try not to speak much; ’cause I don’t want to fuck it up.
It doesn’t happen often — today’s Moment in Between — because generally of an impatient mindset, I never sit for long enough to let it pass. So intensely I insist on living my life that I rarely sit in silence. Instead, I continue moving, shrugging off the urge for prayer as something I could do in mid-step.
“I don’t have time for this!” I tell myself and others when confronted with a suggestion — or an ultimatum — to chill out. “I’ve got shit to do!”
That may be true, my darlings, but one’s ambition does not negate those privileged moments of silence and aloneness. To the contrary, if one decides to devote a life to a great empathy for humanity, aloneness — is mandatory. Because by its very definition, compassion is a recognition of one’s self in another. And how in the world am I going to recognize that self if I, myself, don’t know my self? (Sorry, kittens: I’m probably sounding a bit too So Cal for some o’ ya. I’ll be back to my East Coast Bitchy in no time.)
Last night, I heard a lovely actress with a delicious accent and painfully poignant heart eloquently speak of the common introverted nature of all artists:
“It’s that thing of having to inhabit… yourself,” she said, “whatever that is… And it can often be quite uncomfortable.” (Ah, Cate: Ever so magnanimous you are! You give us, humans, way too much credit.)
So before I bounce again — toward the other coasts and countries, and loves — I’m just gonna sit a lil’. Alone. Quiet. Mmm-meditate.
…But what’s this I’m hearing? A voice of a man screaming aggressively on my street. How dare he?! Despite having Hollyweird’s zip code, my ‘hood is stubbornly quiet. So, what’s all this, sir? How dare you?!
I look out of my window: If only I’d see him, I think, I can forgive his unknowing act. But: Not a visible soul in sight. I study the yard below and the baby-blue guest house whose single staircase is always decorated with drying canvases. A woman in a headscarf quietly steps up to its wide window, while wiping her hands on the bottom of her apron. Like me, she’s cross-examining the street for the source of the disturbance. Apparently, she too — is asking for silence.
“Oh,” I think. “So, you’re the one creating all this beauty,” Despite heaving treaded this side of the world for over three years now, I’ve never met her before, my kittens, only her art.
She looks up. She sees me. I freeze: I am not ready to hang with others yet. Mmm-m’am?
She is older than me, much better lived in; less stubborn. I can see she used to be a stunner. Her forehead is un-crinkled, unlike my own: She’s taking it easy.
“Mmm-m’kay, O’Keeffe. I’ll take your lead.”
I manage to do a half-wave, then slide closed my window. ‘ Cause I’m sitting alone — in silence — today, don’t cha know?!
“I gotcha,” — she nods, then leaves her window open and walks back to her work.
Mmm-mornin’: mmm-mazel tov.